Thursday, June 14, 2012

Waiting in Line

Among the many cultural differences in Korea, one that sticks out is the simple act of waiting in-line. 
Basically if you’re not JAMMING IT UP THE ASS of the person in front of you someone will CUT YOU IN LINE.
I remember the time when I first started to notice this, I was at a crowded McDonald’s on a Saturday afternoon, filled with children and families. A woman just zips right in front of me and orders an ice cream cone. Now, it wasn’t like a few feet back where it was a possibility that I could have been just staring at the menu. I was one person back, close enough to show that I was clearly waiting in line, at least by the standards I know.
But the woman just zips in front of me and orders, not bothering to check if I was about to order myself. I then decided to see if I just stayed in the same spot how many other people would cut me as well. To my own quiet amusement, about five other groups cut me in line. Not a single person (nor the counterperson) asking if I was waiting to order. 
What could I possibly have been standing there for? Perhaps I was waiting for the messiah of all fast food mascots himself, Ronald McDonald to make one of his surprise in-store appearances? Just show up at lunch time on a Saturday, stand in the middle of the store, hope for the miracle of all miracles. What a huge jip it would be if that fat fuck Grimace showed up instead. A swift kick to his purple testicles would wipe that smile off his face! 
Maybe I’m a vegan that desperately misses the taste of Big Macs and standing in the middle of McDonald’s and getting second-hand whiffs is all the fix I need to make me jizz in my pants?
Could I have been stalking one of the counter girls? They look mighty attractive in them uniforms. Damn those ball caps! Accessories always complete an outfit!
Anyway, the most obvious reason someone would be standing near the counter of a McDonald’s would be to order a goddamn-HEARTY-and-DELICIOUS-mega-UNHEALTHY-mild-STOMACHACHE-inducing meal! 
Another time, I was at the snack counter at the movies, but this time, I wasn’t testing anything. I swear I took my eyes off the line for like a second (probably checking out some hot chick), when an old man just swoops in front of me. Here, clearly I wasn’t looking at the menu (damn, Korean chicks sure do love booty shorts!). But again, you snooze, you lose. 
I finally get to the counter in the girl tells me that someone has been closed.! Ugh! I glanced over to the other line and there are THREE PEOPLE WAITING. Unbelievable. 
I get on this line and here’s where I began my strategy of butt-fucking the guy ahead of me. I’m still looking off to the side but now it’s to fend off the fuckers that are trying to cut me left and right. Soon, two people of the three are done, the third at the counter. I’m in a lousy mood because it’s taking 15 years to get some goddamn Junior Mints. Suddenly, I hear in Korean. “Next person in line!” The line that they closed off 10 minutes ago suddenly opens up again! 27 years for a box of Jujubees! Amazing!
Lesson learned. So if you’re ever in Korea, you know what to do to avoid line cutters. 
Just remember as a common courtesy to give a reach around.

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